The Six-Sided Dilemma

Dick Wolf, king of my favorite series of ever-proliferating shows, "Law & Order," likes to say that his favorite episode -- which they've never been able to accomplish yet -- would involve all six main characters (including the Lieutenant and the District Attorney) having six separate, valid, points of view on the case at hand.

I feel like I've got about three of them, at least, in my own head about this one.

It would seem that in bottomless pit of discovery that is some peoples' interpretation of the Bible, that it is okay to picket funerals. In the name of God. Who hates America. Because we support (well, some of us, yours truly included) gay rights issues, like marriage and equality.

If your head isn't spinning yet, hold on to something. Yes, that's right: God wants you to picket military funerals, because the military is a representation of the government, and some elements of the government (although really, there is no federal support for any element of homosexual lifestyles; the few governmental organizations who have dedicated any legislation to the issues at hand have been individual states, but I suppose National Guard funerals aren't nearly as frequent or press worthy) are less than hateful towards gays. And people with AIDS. Who, of course, are gay. Must be. Can't be any other way. Mark of Cain, y'all.

How we got from "love thy neighbor" to "picket thy dead soldier" is almost more than I can stand. My contempt for the human race ratchets up a notch.

On the other hand -- this is the most cynical element of my head -- I'm just loving, loving, loving the Republicans, who have supported this kind of crap every which way except for now, who have nurtured this bad seed until it flowers into this bizarre insanity -- being the ones to come down against it:

The sponsor of the House bill, Rep. Mike Rogers, R-Mich., said he took up the issue after attending a military funeral in his home state, where mourners were greeted by "chants and taunting and some of the most vile things I have ever heard."

"Families deserve the time to bury their American heroes with dignity and in peace," Rogers said Wednesday before the House vote.

But finally, and this is the lawyer in me, I can't go along with the legislation.

Demonstrators would be barred from disrupting military funerals at national cemeteries under legislation approved by Congress and sent to the White House Wednesday....

Under the Senate bill, approved without objection by the House with no recorded vote, the "Respect for America's Fallen Heroes Act" would bar protests within 300 feet of the entrance of a cemetery and within 150 feet of a road into the cemetery from 60 minutes before to 60 minutes after a funeral. Those violating the act would face up to a $100,000 fine and up to a year in prison.

Once again, I may not like what you have to say, but you have the right to say it. And we do have the right to free assembly in this country. Slowly, the GOP has been winnowing it back -- you can't show up at a George Bush speech with, say, a Democratic-oriented shirt on. Think you can, and you'll find out differently.

From 10/14/2004:

Three Medford school teachers were threatened with arrest and thrown out of the President Bush rally at the Jackson County Fairgrounds Thursday night, after they showed up wearing T-shirts with the slogan "Protect our civil liberties."

The Democrats have played this game, too, though to less effect since they haven't held the White House for six years now.

Anyway, my point is this: On First Amendment grounds (which includes the right to free assembly), these people have a right to be there. Unless I'm mistaken -- and I'm willing to be wrong -- military cemeteries are public, not private, property. Funerals are open to the public. That being so, barring them from the gate is unconstitutional. (I argue also that this is not the same as barring some of the same fanatics who probably show up at Planned Parenthood Clinics to shout, because then they're on private property, once they get off of city owned sidewalks.)

I don't want the Klan to march down my street. I don't want Bible-thumping crazies to protest at funerals. But I also don't want someone else deciding what I'm allowed to do and don't do, just because it ruffles some feathers. For the reason that I want to be able to choose do do what I want with my body, for the reason that I want to be able to show up at a Bush rally with an "I hate Bush" shirt on, and for hundreds of other reasons, I can't agree with this law.

Not that anyone asked me, of course.