I Mess With Texas, Part 8

I had promised to dial these back in the new year. Fresh start, why be so mean, you know.

And then another excuse to continue not just comes along, but begs a flogging. So I persist.

Anyhow, this one was almost a near miss. Not that it was so slight it seemed not worth mentioning, but more that it seemed like a good thing. And then, like so much about Texas, the good thing went bad. So very bad, so very fast.

From the Galveston Daily News.

On Monday, Friendswood Mayor Kim Brizendine issued a proclamation declaring Jan. 31 Galveston County Reads Day for “all citizens, teens to seniors.”

On Friday, he issued a press release that expressed concern about the content of the book.

Brizendine said he regretted endorsing (“The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time”). He also said the Friendswood library board would be reviewing the placement of the book in the library.

For those who haven't read this great, fast, delightful read, it's a mystery told from the first-person POV of an autistic teen. A dog next door is killed, and he vows to find out who did it. Along the way, he finds out a lot more about himself than he ever intended. A great, great book.

Just, not in Friendswood (ah, where to start with the ironies)?

Friendswood council member John LeCour was not happy with the selection. He said the book could “pollute” young minds.

“My main issue is the profanity in the book,” he said.

He said he had read most of the book. He said he felt the profanity did not add to the “intellectual value” of the topic.

“I personally don’t think it is good literature,” he said. “I think it will be popular for 15 minutes and than it will be forgotten.”

Don't you love the fanatics who go around quoting Andy Warhol, a guy they wouldn't have let shine their boots because he was a ho-mo-sexual?

But I digress. Invariably, we get to the censor in the story who hates the book he hasn't even read.

Councilman Chris Peden had not read the book, but he said it was more than just profanity bothering him.

He did note the profanity was not buried deep within the book. He said he was disturbed to read the “F” word on Page 4.

“Later in the book, the kid says there is no God and there is no life after death,” he said. “Clearly, these are not ideas we should promote to kids.

“I am not saying the book should be pulled off the shelves. We just shouldn’t be using taxpayers’ dollars promoting and purchasing a book the community wouldn’t approve of.”

Such a fragile, fragile religion they practice in Texas. It cannot withstand even one consideration that there is no God. For if someone considers it, they will be irretreviably corrupted. Yea, and it was so.

But wait. He's not just not read the book, he's also got his facts wrong:

Stanley said no taxpayer money was used for the books the committee donated to the council and area libraries. Private donations fund the organization, she said....

Scales said no matter how the council members tried to package their feelings, it all boiled down to censorship.

“In the country that is supposed to be the freest in the world, we are trying so hard to control our young minds,” she said. “Just because they read it in a book doesn’t mean they will go out and say it.”

She said she was almost unsure how to respond to the councilmen’s discomfort with the novel’s protagonist dealing with existential questions such as God and the after-life.

“Not every character that we read in literature — or even in real life — will mirror our own values,” she said, “What literature can do is let us see all sides of life.”

She said the book has many merits, including teaching tolerance and compassion. She said she feels often politicians look too hard at individual words without considering the whole work.

Peden didn’t buy that.

“A lot of liberal do-gooders say we should take the book in its entirety,” he said. “That’s like saying a man is a great deacon at his church, a great Little League coach, a great provider for his family, but he beats his wife. That is not a good man.

“The firestorm is all the liberal pacifists who are trying to make us out to be book burning, goose-stepping Nazis. That’s not the case at all. There are plenty of books without profanity we could promote.”

Zing! He loses; he used the Hitler reference. (As is the rule in all debates, he who resorts to the Holocaust, Hitler or Nazis -- against which of course there is no continuing the debate -- loses.)

But shit, those damn liberals. Always fouling the waters for everybody.

**********

That said, I have one nice thing to say about Texas: Kinky Friedman for Governor. He deserves our kinky love.

Matters of grave importance ... elsewhere

Not that I condone corporal punishment for children. (As a rule. There are exceptions. Oh, boy are there exceptions.) But when I saw this story, I had to say something.

**snark!**

Okay, okay. It is amusing to see one of the great news services of the world giving so much time and energy to the cause of smacking. And the BBC have done a marvelous job of giving this the full 360-degree treatment. Not only is there a video:



But there are links so you can get the view around the world -- and from experts. Thank God they called in the experts!


America has a lot to live up to, compared with the BBC. (I mean that sincerely; I listen to BBC Worldwide every morning on WNYC.) But then there are these ... diversions.

Of course, in America the story would be completely different:

Silly Me

See post before the last one, re: Oprah's book choice.

Shows what I know.

Oy.

Angler, complete

I went to Bimini in 2003 to swim with wild dolphins.

While there, we spent one evening at the Compleat Angler bar, listening to a local band and admiring the Hemingway memorabilia stationed in a separate room, and even danced a bit. Now, sadly, that seems to all be gone.



I was never much of a Hemingway fan, but -- RIP Mr. Brown. You had a fine establishment.

From the AP:

Fire razes Hemingway's bar
Mon Jan 16, 9:55 AM ET

A fire destroyed the Ernest Hemingway museum and The Compleat Angler bar on Friday on the Bahamian island of Bimini, one of the American novelist's 1930s haunts during the days he stalked big game fish.

The early morning blaze leveled the wooden inn in Alice Town and destroyed photographs and Hemingway memorabilia, police said.

They said the caretaker of The Compleat Angler, Julian Brown, was presumed dead. Brown, said to be in his 60s, alerted the inn's sole guest, who escaped though a window, but then disappeared.

A neighbor, Katherine Weech, said Brown's remains were found in the debris. Brown's father, Harcourt Brown, built the inn.

The destruction of the tiny island's biggest tourist attraction was the second major blow to hit Bimini in a month. On December 19, 11 residents were among 20 people killed when a Chalk's Ocean Airways seaplane plunged into the sea in Miami's shipping channel.

Hemingway drank at The Compleat Angler between fishing trips in his vessel Pilar in search of marlin, wahoo and sailfish in the pristine waters around Bimini.

His novel "The Old Man and The Sea" was said to be inspired by his fishing exploits in the Bahamas and Cuba, and he worked on "To Have and Have Not" in Bimini.

The Hemingway legend became a major draw and The Compleat Angler created a museum which included hundreds of photographs and artifacts of the author.

Small blue things

Various, Sundry and their sister Judy will now present: Nothing in particular.

Interesting choice: Oprah picks "Night," by Elie Wiesel. Wonder if J.T. LeRoy was up on her reading list next and her advisors said, "O, babe, look. Pick something nobody's going to ask questions about, okay? Pick the one memoir nobody's going to question. Go for Elie. Nobel Prize, you know? Besides, everybody's already had to read 'Night' in high school by now, and it's only about 100 pages long. It'll be a sorbet, cleanse the palate from that Frey dude. And then we can get the guy in the seat. Huh? Whaddya say, O?"

Next: I do not heart MyVoice right now. We are having relationship difficulties. It appears that if I have the modem connected to their little phone box, the modem has a tendency to cut out, and I lose both Internet and phone. And sometimes, I don't. But if the modem is connected to the computer and not the phone box, I get Internet without lost connection. But no phone. So, here we go again. Wherever you are, hello Patrick in Omaha. I've been calling so much that I actually got the same Tier 3 representative today, and he even appeared to recall my phone call back in November, albiet with some restrained horror that the situation remained unresolved.

On Saturday: Went to see "Brokeback Mountain" and "Syriana." I wish there had been a way to see "Brokeback" without knowing the plot first. The first scenes are when Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger meet for the first time, all laconic and marble-mouthed (Ledger the most so) and it'd have been nice to just see how the relationship developed rather than waiting for one to make some kind of move on the other -- which doesn't happen for at least a good half hour or so. Anyway, I liked the movie; the final scenes are touching and airy and literary in a way modern movies rarely are. But I never quite got what those two saw in each other. Putting aside that It's Jake Gyllenhaal! It's Heath Ledger! -- I just didn't get what was supposed to be sustaining a 30 year on-off relationship. One time, you can say it's lust. Three decades, I need a bit more than "I wish I knew how to quit you."

One question: Now, I know what the sheep herder foreman meant, but -- what does "stemming the rose" actually mean?

"Syriana" -- I remain baffled as to why people find this so hard to follow. Yes, there are a lot of intertwining stories that we dart back and forth from, but if you've seen "Traffic" (directed by the same guy) you'd know what to expect, and this was no less busy. I even had enough neurons left over to wonder where the hell I'd seen the good prince Nassir from; finally it hit: "Deep Space Nine," and I was all tweaky about that, because he's a complete geeky hottie with a British accent.



Until I got home and looked him up (Alexander Siddig), I'd always thought he was a Brit or Aussie with a good tan; turns out he's British-raised, but Sudanese. Anyway, I had that train of thought going while still pretty well following the rest of the story. "Brokeback" left me feeling sad about the small picture; "Syriana" left me feeling sadder about the big picture.

Wrote a review of the "Book of Daniel," in hopes I'll get to do some reviews for the magazine. What a silly piece of work that show is, despite that it has Aidan Quinn, who has lovely, astounding blue-gray eyes.

Oh, and the dog has gone incontinent. I swear. Pictures of her in doggie diapers to follow. Hello, 2006!

Never eat the Twinkie

Now, I loved "Grizzly Man," and its a goddamned shame it isn't in consideration for an Oscar. (I'm not clear on why, but it's true.) Anyway, scant few documentaries manage to get their own parodies -- the last one I can think of is Julie Brown's full-length "Medusa: Dare to Be Truthful" from 1992, parodying Madonna's "Truth or Dare," of course.

Now, thanks to Travis and Jonathan, we have "Grizzly Bear Man." I think it was the stentorian Werner Herzog parody that nearly made me wet myself. Or maybe the appearance of the "Da Vinci Code." Or maybe just the whole thing.

8 minutes long. Quicktime required. Via Video Dog.

I Mess With Texas, Part 7

Yes, sirree bob, this is a bumper crop of a state. Not a few weeks ago they were struggling with the earth-shattering freezing temperature of 24, and now, the place is on fire.

I'm completely sympathetic with the so-far four people who've died. That's a bad way to go, and to lose your home and only be able to rescue photos -- terrifying and horrific. And now I have to worry about my family, because the flames are coming towards Austin.

But you know what? If I ever had any worries that I might be wrong that Texas is somehow a great state, they've long been laid to rest. And why?

From one of the above articles:

Severe drought set the stage for the fires, which authorities believe were started mostly by people shooting off fireworks, tossing cigarettes or burning trash in spite of bans imposed because of the drought. A fallen power line apparently started one Oklahoma blaze.

It's dry as a bone out, hun! Let's entertain ourselves outdoors! With sparks and flames! That sounds like fun! Woooooooo-whee! And that little ciggie you were smoking? Just crush it out underfoot. Or better yet, toss it in that trash bin. Yippie-ki-yay!

And what's the fine for ignoring a burn ban? Most I saw was $500. What a wonderful Republican-led place! With such focused, incisive minds!

If the slogan of this state is currently "it's like a whole other country," then y'know what? I think it's time to cut it free. Issue passports. Institute immigration status. Better yet: Let Mexico have it back again. This place is an embarrassment.

I Mess With Texas, Part 6

When I was in high school, I took an amazing course: History of Religion. For a public high school in a non-Bible belt state, this was pretty revolutionary. But as was pointed out to us by our teacher -- the love-her or hate-her Mrs. Penn -- it wasn't about religion. It was about studying the history of how religion developed.

It was one of the most interesting classes I took. You were required to attend two religious services not your own, so I got to sit in on a Catholic mass and a Quaker meeting (after which I met David Byrne's mother and had some of her banana bread!) and bring in someone to discuss your religion. If they started to preach, though, they'd have to leave. It was brilliant, and spurred my interest in studying the origins of religion -- I minored in it in college. And I'm not a particularly religious person.

That said, this fries my weenies. At what point did Bible Study become an OK elective course? The "National Council on Bible Curriculum in Public Schools"? At what point did that happen? And more importantly, the main text to be studied "promoted creationism and taught that the Constitution was based on Scripture."

Please. Everyone mess with Texas, immediately. Few states have needed such messing around with before.

From the NY Times:

December 22, 2005
Texas District Adopts Disputed Text on Bible Study
By BARBARA NOVOVITCH

Correction Appended

ODESSA, Tex., Dec. 21 -Trustees of the Ector County Independent School District here decided, 4 to 2, on Tuesday night that high school students would use a course published by the National Council on Bible Curriculum in Public Schools for studying the Bible in history and literature.

The council is a religious advocacy group in Greensboro, N.C., and has the backing of the Eagle Forum and Focus on the Family, two conservative organizations.

The vote on the disputed textbook, for an elective Bible study course, has not ended the matter. Critics say the book promotes fundamentalist Protestant Christianity.

The district superintendent, Wendell Sollis, said Wednesday that he had recommended the textbook over a newer one by the Bible Literacy Project, published this year through the Freedom Forum and an ecumenical group of scholars and endorsed by a group of religious organizations.

"I felt like the National Council was a better fit for Odessa, because they're on several campuses here in Texas and because of their longevity," Mr. Sollis said.

David Newman, a professor of English at Odessa College, said he planned to sue the district because the curriculum advocated a fundamentalist Christian point of view.

The school board president, Randy Rives, said of the curriculum, which uses the King James Version of the Bible: "If you're going to teach something, it's better to use the source. I have complete confidence that we can teach this within the parameters of the law."

Professor Newman said, "If the beliefs of others don't match theirs, then the beliefs of others are irrelevant."

Last summer, the Texas Freedom Network, which promotes religious freedoms, asked a biblical scholar at Southern Methodist University, Mark A. Chancey, to examine the council course. Dr. Chancey said it had factual errors, promoted creationism and taught that the Constitution was based on Scripture.

A district trustee here, Carol Gregg, said she favored the Bible Literacy Project because it was "more user friendly toward teachers" and "more respectful of minority and majority" religious views.

Unlike the competing curriculum, it mentions several versions of the Bible.

Correction: Dec. 24, 2005, Saturday:

An article on Thursday about a Texas school district's adopting a course published by the National Council on Bible Curriculum in Public Schools for studying the Bible in history and literature misstated the position of Focus on the Family, a conservative Christian group. Focus on the Family has not endorsed the council or its Bible curriculum.

Happy Hanukkah! Merry Christmas! Happy Solstice!

Ciara wishes everyone, including Lois, Larry, Craig, Kris, Sydney, Julia, Lynda, Rebecca, Valerie, Alexis, Jerry, Joey, Michael, Darron, Alan and all of their attendant family members a very happy spirit of the day. She herself is demonstrating the true spirit of the season with her newfound "friend," Allie the Alligator, who soon will be going to Croc Heaven. That true spirit being....


Rending, tearing, ripping


Dismemberment and gouging of eyes


And sheer, exhaustive joy.

Happy freaking holidays!

Merry Duranmas to all, and to all a good night

One of the better holiday gifts I've gotten so far is here.

Duran Duran wish you a merry holiday -- and let you mix their lyrics.

Deeply cheesy, and that's what it's all about. On first seeing the photo, I thought Robert Palmer had gotten revenge on his former Power Station bandmates by making them -- and their fellow Durans -- dress all alike, a la his music videos, but then I had a different cognitive dissonance moment: They're all holding guitars. Even Roger, who you never seen outside his kit. And who looks like he has a cramp. Even Nick, who here appears to be playing a mandolin of some sort. I wonder if they had to photoshop it, or if they all actually posed. Yes, I think of these things. And then I go mix songs.

Elsewhere, the strike is over! I now get to see what the world is like outside my apartment. The last few days, the time has just sped by in a blend of meals, soaps, staring at the computer, working, interviewing (hey, it's not incidental that I got Chris Noth and Vincent D'Onofrio to call me at my house, heh heh, love the gig), editing, and fighting to get my VOIP to work 24/7. Somewhere, Earthlink seemed to think it was optional. It's much less so when you've got to work from home. So, I don't heart VOIP as much as I once did.

But I digress: The strike is over! Now we all get to reappreciate the joys, the smells, the touches, and the weirdness of the NYC subway, all over again. Yay!

There is power in a union

So, yeah. These were the options today, at least if you live where I do:

1) Get a ride with someone from work. You have to fit 4 people in the car, and the guy says he has to be in the office by 8:30 in the morning and you know it's going to be nightmarish with traffic, and plus if he gets in at 8:30 he probably has to leave by around 4:30 in the afternoon .... etc.

2) Walk about 15 blocks to the commuter train connection. (Commuter trains are running.) Squeeze on. Exit at 34th Street. Walk about 30 blocks south to work. End of day, rinse and repeat.

Neither was particularly savory, and I'm sympathetic with anyone who had to go through it. (There was a sense of camaraderie and novelty to the day, based on what I saw on the news; a group had even set up free coffee on the end of the Brooklyn Bridge for the walkers -- kind of like what happened on 9/11, without the horrific terrorist tragedy element.) Mercifully, I have bosses who are sane and understand there's no point in my going into the office under those conditions -- so I get to work from home. Today, tomorrow and probably until the end of the week, assuming this continues (And I think we should assume in this case.) If it goes into next week, well -- then we'll see. In any case, I got to do my interviews and get email and check email and do pretty much whatever I had to do ... all from the comfort of my home desk. Sweet!

The only downside: Sometime around 8pm, my VOIP went down. Apparently it's a nationwide issue. Earthlink is on the case. Achem. You can find this out for yourself, if you're willing to hang on the phone for a half hour. So anyone trying to call, this is why you can't reach me! Even though I'm home! Sigh.

Woof!

Ciara sends her love.



Though not to the chew toy.



And she wants to know when dinner starts.

I Mess With Texas, Part 5

I forgot one more excellent reason to mess with Texas.

Tom DeLay.

Apparently the House majority leader, currently facing some legal troubles of his own, has engineered some others that the Supremes are now taking into consideration. From this New York Times article:

Supreme Court to Review Texas Redistricting Dispute
By DAVID STOUT

WASHINGTON, Dec. 12 - The United States Supreme Court agreed today to review the constitutionality of the Texas redistricting plan that was engineered by Representative Tom DeLay, the House majority leader until recently, and helped Republicans add to their majority from the Lone Star State.

The justices will consider several lawsuits by Democrats and minority groups challenging the redrawn maps of voting districts pushed through in 2003. The redistricting has been credited with helping Republicans gain five more seats in the Texas delegation to the House of Representatives in 2004, increasing the Republican ranks to 21, compared with 11 Texas Democrats.

Today's announcement by the Supreme Court comes 10 days after the Justice Department acknowledged that some of its top officials had overruled a determination by the agency's civil rights division staff in 2003 that the redistricting plan would dilute the voting strength of minorities in violation of the Civil Rights Act of 1965.

Because after all, once you're in charge the first thing you want to do is solidify that death-grip on the system, so that you can always and forever, amen, keep yourself in charge. Even when you have to know that means calcification, oligarchy, and despotism. Get rid of the challenge, rather than make your constituents better off. Nice work!

**************

Unrelated, though not entirely: Caution to all who decide to re-gift. If you re-gift, oh, say, a large ticket item that includes storage devices, then pass it off as a brand-new present, do erase your old "tests" on the machine first. Because, you see, if you don't, those "tests" have storage dates. And they can be seen once they're downloaded. And then the person you gave the item to, who believed it to be new, will realize it is in fact over a year old and therefore likely something you bought for yourself, didn't care for, and are now pawning off. The gift is generous, the spirit behind it is less so. At the very least, announce it as a re-gift. The basically brand-new nature of the item, plus the large-ticket price, isn't a problem (in my book). Not revealing it as a re-gift, however, is deceitful.

Those who know what I'm talking about will also know the connection to Texas on this one.

Rockinghorse People Eat Marshmallow Pies

Thanks to everyone who came! A marvy, and messy-chocolatey time was had by all. Oh, and there was vodka. My, was there vodka.

I Mess With Texas, Part 4

My brother is in Austin, Texas. According to Mom, he says the house is so big "you could get tired walking from the living room to the front door." My SIL arrived Tuesday with Syd in tow. Mom and Larry get there Sunday.

From a newsgroup today:

"It got below freezing around noon. We've had about a 1/4 of freezing rain/sleet/snow. Big emergency. More than 100 auto accidents. School in the city delayed by two hours in the morning, and more parochial and rural schools are closed. Many staples were stripped from the shelves in the local store by 4 p.m. It might get as cold as 24 F before morning. In Austin this is major winter storm disaster."

24. Degrees. Above zero. Ninnies. Put down some damn salt.

Other version here.

God, it's so obvious, and mean, but I'll say it: Hell does freeze over. And we're supposed to tremble at the greatness of the stateness of Texas?

Snow shark!

More of these wonderful things here.

No, that's not the most preoccupying thought in my head at the moment (that would be Saturday's anxiety-inducing party, with attendant fountain activity), but it'll do for now.

Something I was thinking of recently:

While living in London in the early 1990s, I came across several things which appeared quaint, many which seemed advanced, and some of which were brilliant but utterly unlikely to ever appear in the U.S. These latter included:

1) Galaxy and Cadbury bars (subhead: Those little Christmas-era baskets of samplers, called "Promises" and suchlike)
2) Prepaid phone cards
3) Train notifications in the subway
4) OK! magazine
5) Use of slang like "shite" and "sketchy" and so forth in regular non-Brit conversation

Anyway, so much for my predictor status. All of those are here now. I just find it interesting that Britain was ahead of the technologically-advanced (achem) U.S. in various important (well, OK! Magazine aside) ways.

Boy, I gotta get back over there.

I Heart VOIP

Okay, so they say all good relationships have some push-pull, some arguing, some long phone conversations. I've had all of those with Earthlink and their Voice Over Internet Phone in the past month.

Today, we connected Ethernets and made up. I now have a working, incoming phone again. I can dial by clicking a button on a Web page. I can forward my calls. I can block numbers I don't want to hear from. And I have this, plus more, for $15 per month for 500 minutes.

Now, I just need to figure out how to get my newsgroups back.

Snow Day

This may be the second snowfall of the season (while I was in Maryland I think some may have fallen), but it's the first for me. For some reason I got up early today and was a little startled to see snow (I didn't know it was coming), but pleased. The dog isn't happy, but we went out for our morning (::achem::) constitutional and it was so early everything was still in that half-formed peaceful mode, the quiet and stillness about as complete as you get in this neighborhood on any given day. And it's still coming down, gently.



In unrelated but welcome good news that has no bearing on anything in particular except if you want to make a 411 call for free, here's a new service: 1-800-FREE-411. You might hear a 12-second ad, but it's not painful, apparently. I haven't used it, but Snopes is king of all, and they have this to say about it.

Snow and free calls! Works for me.

I Mess With Texas, Part 3

Or, more accurately, McSweeney's does.

"Socially Awkward Situations In Which It Would Be Acceptable to Mess With Texas"

My favorite:

Texas demonstrates little respect for "personal space."

Hee.

Thanks, Paul!

Testing, Testing, 1 2 3 -- 10!

I don't usually post the results of these things, but I am happy to know that a) I get to continue being a citizen and b) I aced the "test" on the web. Phew. This'll keep the NSA agents away a little longer.

You Passed the US Citizenship Test

Congratulations - you got 10 out of 10 correct!

Could You Pass the US Citizenship Test?