Out of the closet

Now, while I've got nothing particularly good to say about Tom Cruise (whose movies, other than "Risky Business," "A Few Good Men" and "Magnolia" basically blow), I tend not to believe the rumors that he threatened to not promote Paramount's upcoming "Mission: Impossible 3" if sister company Comedy Central re-aired South Park's Episode 912 "Trapped in the Closet." (Both CC and Paramount are owned by Viacom; thanks, Ron "Greatest American Ever" Reagan for deregulation!) Not that Cruise wouldn't make those threats, but that I can't imagine he's not contractually obligated to do some publicity.

That said, the whole furor is doing what these censorship furors always do: Raise interest in the episode. I love South Park, but most TV isn't appointment for me (I get to it when I can) and I haven't seen an episode in a long time. I missed the first airing of "Trapped." And if I really wanted to see it, I no longer could on Comedy Central. But within three clicks of a mouse, I had the episode thanks to You Tube (which essentially is like Napster was before it got sued out of existence; Lord knows how long You Tube and its like will exist, but for now, if you want it on video, no doubt it's there) and just watched it. Had it not been for Isaac Hayes quitting (hypocritical coward) and the rerun being yanked, I'd have gone on my merry way and done something else for the last 20 minutes. So, nice work, Scientologists. Multiply me by several thousand, or hundred thousand, or million, and you've just given Trey Parker and Matt Stone that much more publicity.

I therefore pass along the link to anyone who cares to see the episode. As with most things TP and MS do: Genius.

Also: Trey and Matt's reply to the episode yanking.

UPDATE: Though I'm usually loathe to put anything Fox News says up as credible, I know the gent Roger writing this column and I'll trust him instead.

He notes something that I had not been aware of: Isaac Hayes had a stroke in late January, and that he's still hospitalized. He's in no condition, says Roger, to make any kind of statements like he did, plus quitting the show.

Says Roger:

"The truth is, Hayes has a sly sense of humor and loves everything about "South Park." It’s provided him a much-needed income stream since losing the royalties to the many hits he’s written, such as “Shaft” and “Soul Man,” in the mid-1970s."

Even though he’s one of America’s most prolific hit writers, Hayes has been denied access to profits from his own material for almost 30 years.

But it’s hard to know anything since Hayes, like Katie Holmes, is constantly monitored by a Scientologist representative most of the time. Luckily, at the Blues Ball he was on his own, partying just with family and friends. He was very excited about having gotten married and about the impending birth of a new child.

Friends in Memphis tell me that Hayes did not issue any statements on his own about South Park. They are mystified.

“Isaac’s been concentrating on his recuperation for the last two and a half, three months,” a close friend told me.

Hayes did not suffer paralysis, but the mild stroke may have affected his speech and his memory. He’s been having home therapy since it happened.

That certainly begs the question of who issued the statement that Hayes was quitting "South Park" now because it mocked Scientology four months ago. If it wasn’t Hayes, then who would have done such a thing?

Roger also notes that Comedy Central is going to show "Trapped in the Closet" this Wednesday. And finally, Roger also has something to say completely unrelated to South Park: He likes Austin!

I came down to Austin for the final weekend of the annual South by Southwest festival — also known as SXSW, a play on Alfred Hitchcock’s “North by Northwest.”

I came for several reasons, not the least of which was constantly hearing from anyone who’d been here that Austin was the anomalous Texas city, full of culture and fun.

They were, of course, correct. I will now put Austin on my list of favorite “fly over” cities along with Memphis and Chicago. Texas’ capital has an amazing aesthetic and nearly defies logic. There are no Texan stereotypes here, either.

It’s as if Austin is the Texas town that Europe forgot. And a fantastic new 33-story modern skyscraper, the Frost Bank Tower, looms over the “old” Western city and gives Austin a welcome futuristic glow of promise. Very impressive.

So call this a "reason not to mess with Texas, Part 1/2."